How To Speak To A Geek: Step 2

Before I begin today’s lesson, I need to make a couple of things absolutely clear.  I love, adore and am otherwise crazy about my very own Mr. Geek.  He is a sweet, kind & talented person.  I don’t view his Geekiness or occasional lack of social wherewithal as a personality failure or really, failure of any kind on his part.  I do, however, see the black, tapered-leg, “1982 called and wants his pants back” jeans I was forced to eradicate from my presence and his wardrobe, not once, but TWICE, as a complete and utter breakdown of all things decent and almost more than a girl can bear.  But, that’s another story completely.

Some of what I say in these lessons is gonna sound like I don’t love Geeks. Not true.  There are just very specific quirks, traits and characteristics you MUST make your peace with to contentedly live among and appreciate the Geek.  I have made my peace, for the most part, so what I say about the Geek does not come from dislike or anger or even frustration.  It comes from a place of understanding and even appreciation of the delicate intricacies that make up the psyche of most Geeks.

Also, anything I discuss here does not come as a surprise to Mr. Geek.  He is consulted on nearly every facet of these posts and offers insight that only a true Geek could offer.  These Steps come from communication challenges we have personally faced together, the way we face all challenges, and have, before this blog was even in existence, been discussed by the two of us “ad exhausteum” (which means, about 5 minutes).

Before you start reading Step 2 below, make sure you’ve properly learned how to get your Geek’s attention by reading Step 1.

Step 2: Keep It Simple, You Who Exhibits Less Than Optimal Brain Function

Keeping it simple sounds like a contradiction.  I mean, we’re talking about Geeks here, right?  Don’t they have higher brain function than the average person?  In comic book terms, can’t their brains leap tall buildings in a single bound?  Why, in this world, would you need to keep your conversations simple?  Well folks, I’ll give it to you straight . . . you Geeks close your eyes and hum at this point . . . A) Geeks are only interested in discussing their own stuff;  B) Geeks are easily distracted away from verbal interaction.

A) Geeks are, for the most part, only interested in discussing their own stuff.

For most Geeks . . . OK , for all Geeks. I hesitate to say all because I know some well-meaning person out there will be complaining that this is an over-generalization but let me just say,

“Folks, I’ve been around Geek block for a while . . . it’s ALL!“.

For “most” Geeks, if the conversation isn’t about them, their current project, their current obsession . . . you’re gonna  have a hard sell convincing them the conversation is even necessary.  If you’re a newly-transplanted resident of Geekdom, this is going to be difficult at first.  You’re going to be thinking to yourself,

“This isn’t fair!  Why isn’t he/she ever interested in MY stuff?  Why can’t we ever talk about me?”

I say to you, with as much compassion as I can muster, make your peace with it.  Get yourself a non-Geek friend, call your mother (mom’s are almost ALWAYS interested in “your stuff”) or get a dog if you’re not the type to want friendly or motherly advice on “your stuff” and make you’re peace with it.

Also, know this, your Geek is not uninterested in YOU, he/she is just not interested in DISCUSSING you.

So, if you must discuss yourself, your plans, your stuff with the Geek, don’t clutter it up with a bunch of detail.  Be direct, to the point, assertive even and be prepared to repeat . . . and repeat . . . and repeat.

B) Geeks are easily distracted away from verbal interaction.

This is why your geek may not ever intentionally call you on the phone.  I’m telling you, if Mr. Geek and my relationship had ever been forced to be long-distance, we never would’ve made it.

It’s also important to note that because of this easily distractedness, it’s going to be necessary for you to frequently utilize the tactics discussed in Step 1.  Remember The 6 Key Elements?  They will save your sanity.

It never ceases to amaze me how a man (Mr. Geek) who can type  in any computer language required by his task can have a complete meltdown over one conversation in his first language . . . English.  I’ve thought for a while that it would be so much easier if I could just learn to talk in code,

“Execute procedure remove (object: trash) priority one”.

In case you’re wondering, in English, I just said,

“If you like living, you should take out the trash.”

So, keep it simple and straight-forward with your Geek and be prepared to repeat.

Next time we will discuss Step 3: Time Is Not Even Remotely, No How, In No Way, Of The Essence.

And, remember,

“With the analytical and brainy, always a little patience.”

:D’anne