How To Speak To A Geek: Step 3

First, take some time to catch up on this series at:

Step 1: Attention.You Want It? You Gotta Work For It

Step 2: Keep It Simple, You Who Exhibits Less Than Optimal Brain Function

Step 3: Time Is Not Even Remotely, In No Way, No How, Of The Essence

Time . . . to most of us, time is the primary unit of measurement by which we live our lives.  If you’re anything like me, you know exactly the minute you must haul your sorry behind out of bed, exactly how long you can shower, and exactly what time you must  leave your house in the morning and drive 5-7 miles per hour over the speed limit to arrive at work on time.  I once had a friend who, when asked how long it took her to get to work in the morning, would reply “6-7 minutes, depending on traffic.“  This attention to detail doesn’t come from the need to be on time, but more from a desire to spend every last moment at home, or in bed, or pretty much doing anything other than going to work.

This ability to judge & estimate time is not a priority for the Geek.  Early-on in Mr. Geek and my marriage, I learned this valuable lesson.  He had taken a “side project” to build a computer version of board game created by a local guy.  The project was estimated to take “2 weeks” according to Mr. Geek .  Mr. Geek worked diligently on the project, breaking dates, staying up nights, leaving his young, fresh bride to sit and watch TV on her own.  2 YEARS LATER, the project was “mostly” finished.  This is not an exaggeration, and it’s not a matter of procrastination, it’s more the poor Geek’s overwhelming urge to perfection and complete inability to estimate project time requirements.  To the Geek, it is more important that his/her project have no flaws, no question marks, no risk whatsoever (see As The Fish Tank Filters to illustrate this point) than it is to take the time to celebrate his 1st Wedding Anniversary away from his computer.

I have developed several methods of my own to combat this lack of capacity for time management.

1. Do NOT take it personal.  It’s just one of those things.  Make your peace with it.

2. Always be the social calendar.  Mr. Geek is not responsible at all for making any social appointments, it’s disastrous when he does.

3. Be assertive and direct.  See, I hadn’t learned this way back when, during that 1st Anniversary.  Stuff like that doesn’t happen anymore, but I had to learn how to deal with things.  I am very direct with Mr. Geek.  I do not pull the girly card and wait for him to read my mind and I rarely expect him to “just know” in any situation.  Because he will never “just know” and if I’m waiting around for that, I will be sorely disappointed every time.  I let him know what he needs to do and when it needs to be done and I don’t take any whiny excuses like, “But, I’m right in the middle of something.”

To which, I reply, “Dude, I save lives as a career,  if what you’re doing isn’t saving a life, it’ll keep for a while.”

Yeah, put that one in your pipe and smoke it a while.

4. Repeat. (Are you seeing a theme here?)  It’s not enough just to get a verbal confirmation that the Geek heard you.  If you’re talking about an appointment or date or time, you have to repeat it more than once, well in advance and in several different ways.  I had our anniversary date engraved on the inside of Mr. Geek’s wedding ring.

“With the analytical and brainy, ALWAYS a little patience” (and lots of direct communication).

Come on back for our next lesson,  Step 4: Taking Your Geek Out In Public.

This is a BIG one.

:D’anne