How To Speak To A Geek: Step 4

Before you can even think about step 4, you have to be caught up on all the other steps.

Step 1: Attention.  You Want It?  You Gotta Work For It.

Step 2: Keep It Simple, You Who Exhibits Less Than Optimal Brain Function

Step 3: Time Is Not Even Remotely, In No Way, No How Of the Essence

Now, on to Step 4: Taking Your Geek Out In Public

First of all, if you’re going to take your Geek out in public, I don’t suggest that you let him/her dress like this.

For heaven’s sake, don’t let your Geek wear this hat.

And please let him/her know that dogs are NOT accessories.

Find the Geek in this picture.

Don’t judge!  A properly trained Geek is a process, people.

Now that we have clothing and appearance covered, let’s move on to a few other points.

Wikipedia uses this definition (and many others) to describe “Geek”:

“A person who has chosen concentration rather than conformity; one who passionately pursues skill (especially technical skill) and imagination, not mainstream social acceptance.”

I like this definition.  Geeks are totally understood within their own ranks, but they are not mainstream.  Geeks speak their own language, they laugh at their own version of  jokes and, for the most part, they even all like the same movies . . . Geek Movies, you know the ones I’m talking about (see 6 Key Elements from Step 1).

This nonconformity is not a bad thing.  It can, however, bring some challenges when your Geek is conversing with the general, mainstream, non-Geek public.  The poor non-Geeks just aren’t going to get some of what your Geek says.  So, it’s up to you to be the mediator, the translator, the Star Trek type communicator, if you will, between your Geek and the non-Geeks.  To do that you’re going to need a glossary of Geek terms.

Aren’t you glad I’ve come along?

I’m here to help.  Here’s just a few of the terms I’ve learned since connecting with my own Mr. Geek.

Geek Glossary of Terms

404 – A clueless person.  From the web error “404 Not Found”.  In a sentence:  “Don’t ask Susie for directions to the Apple store, she’s 404.”
AlphaGeek – the Geekiest of them all.  The leader in Geekiness.  Spoken in hushed and reverent tones.
Aspect Ratio -  The ratio of the width by the height on a monitor or television screen. If you happen to be connected to a Geek in a personal way, you’ll hear this one all the time.  A Geek can tell if the aspect ratio of their computer monitor or TV screen is off by even a fraction.  If you are co-habitating with a Geek, rest assured, you will never, EVER, be forced to watch TV in the wrong aspect ratio again.
Blue Screen of Death – computer crashed in a really bad way.  Expletives usually follow.  Can also be used to describe failures of things that don’t even have a screen to turn blue.
Click of Death – the sound that comes moments before the Blue Screen of Death.
FPS – in gaming, First Person Shooter.  A game in which, your character is behind the gun at all times and has no other interaction with the other characters in the game other than to frag (kill) them.
IMing – Instant Messaging.  A computer based mode of (practically face-to-face) communication.  The preferred mode of communication for most Geeks.  They talk better with their hands than with their mouths.
iPoding - a verb.  The act of tuning out undesirable disturbances (a.k.a. other people) by applying one’s ear buds or large, airport worker type earphones.  Size of ear appliance determined by level of undesirable-ness.
LAN(S) – Local Area Network, usually used to describe a party (LAN party).  A bunch of guys bring their computers to your house on Tuesday, you don’t see your Geek again until Sunday except for fleeting glances as he bobs back and forth between the computers that are all over your house, connecting them into a huge throbbing mass of communicating machines.  Also, on Friday night, numerous grown adults show up at your house, eat mass quantities of Doritos, consume gallons of Mountain Dew and play loud, angry video games until 3 in the morning.  It’s a slammin’ good time.  Watch out for the electricity bill at the end, though.  It’s a doozy!
Resolution – a pixal by pixal account of each inch of a computer screen.  Not to be confused with the non-Geek definition of this term which is “a coming to an agreement over certain issues or points of discussion”.
RPG – in gaming, Role Playing Game.  Biggest waste of time in the invention of all things computer-based.

I hope these terms are helpful in your conquest to understand your own Geek and help him/her be understood by the general, non-Geek public.  Of course, there are many more terms to be learned and more being invented every day.  Also, each specific variety of Geek has it’s own dialect and therefore, it’s own terms.  Consult with you’re own Geek about the terms he/she most uses.

So, when you’re out and about with your Geek, remember . . . Geeks aren’t anti-social, they’re just not user friendly.

And above all,

With the analytical and brainy, always a little patience.

Tune in again for the last post in this series Step 5: The Final Frontier.

:D’anne